Summer Homework For The Northern Hemisphere Sides (Due Date: November)

As the Northern Hemisphere nations file out for their summer holidays, Lee Calvert hurriedly hands them their homework ahead of the November tours.

ENGLAND (November fixtures:  Fiji, Argentina, Australia)

1. Find a settled attacking pattern and approach. Much has been made of the return of the scrum and the defence in 2016, but the hardest part of the game – creating tries – still appears to be a way off consistently delivering.
2. Find backrow depth. James Haskell and Chris Robshaw were a revelation on the Australia tour, but there is a large question mark over whether their form can continue at this level, because a) they are both the wrong side of 30 years old and, b) Haskell is usually a bit shit. His replacement Teimana Harrison looked as dodgy as Julian Savea’s haircut, which highlighted that despite all the achievements in 2016 this remains a problem area.
3. Work out how to answer the “no All Blacks” question. Whatever England achieve in November the management will have to find myriad ways of answering the same question: “how well can you truly measure your progress given you haven’t yet played New Zealand?”

WALES (November fixtures:  Argentina, Australia, Japan, South Africa)

1. Find Dan Biggar’s mojo. Dan Biggar was one of the best tens in the world until sometime in March when he clearly misplaced his mojo. Wales are not entirely sure where it’s gone, they have asked him to look in his other jacket pockets and under the seats of his car, but no joy.  It is imperative that it is found before November because without it he just looks like a mouthy bloke pointing and gurning before having a small seizure while standing up.
2. Maintain the change in gameplan. Yes, the third test vs the All Blacks was horrible, but everyone loses a series in New Zealand, it’s not exactly a shocker. Gatland and Wales must continue with the expansive game they have gently paddled into this summer. Maybe walk into the creativity water a bit further, up to the level where you start to make silly noises as it laps at your inner thighs.  It’s the only way.

IRELAND (November fixtures:  New Zealand (twice!), Canada, Australia)

1. Wrap all of their players in bubble wrap. Of their pre-World Cup squad, 23 players from that list were unavailable for the tour of South Africa, which makes their near-win there indicative of either their strength in depth or that the Boks played like an Alzheimer’s Rugby Club 2nd XV.  The truth is likely somewhere in between but you can guarantee the All Blacks, who the Irish play twice (whose idea was that, by the way), will be a lot less accommodating.
2. Find their best centre pairing. One thing that came out of the Great Irish Injury Plague of 2016 was proof that they have a number of very good centres, which will be a blessing and curse for Joe Schmidt as he looks to pick his best two from Robbie Henshaw, Jared Payne, Stuart Olding, Stuart McCloskey and Luke Marshall.

SCOTLAND (November fixtures:  Australia, Argentina, Georgia)

1. Discover some consistency. And I don’t mean being consistently infuriating, that doesn’t count. Scotland have shown flashes of creative verve and forward dynamism under Vern Cotter, but all too often this is short-lived and followed by funk-inducing performances and results. They should target beating Argentina as a minimum; even Guy Noves’ Great Travelling French Circus can beat the Pumas, so there really is no excuse to lose to them at home.
2. Don’t lose to Georgia. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT LOSE TO GEORGIA!

FRANCE (November fixtures:  Samoa, Australia, New Zealand)

1. Stop being batshit.
2. See 1.