The Second Bledisloe Test: A Tale Of Two Dog Acts

Saturday night’s second Bledisloe Cup test saw a comfortable All Black victory, a beginner’s guide to lip-reading profanity from Michael Cheika and a couple of dog acts – one funny, the other not so much – go unpunished. Jamie Wall explains.

Watch: All Blacks vs Wallabies – Wellington test Full Game | Condensed

Even the most ardent All Black fans will be scratching their heads as to how they got away with this one. Six minutes after the kickoff, All Black prop Owen Franks decided to put his hands in Wallaby lock Kane Douglas’ eyes.

This happened directly in front of referee Roman Poite, who took no action. The citing commissioner after the game, again saw nothing wrong.

That’s inconsistent at best, and utterly insane at worst. Richard Loe did this to Greg Cooper in 1992, which led to him being banned for 26 weeks. Schalk Burger copped eight weeks off for this piece of amatuer optometry on Luke Fitzgerald in 2009. Troy Flavell was originally sentenced to a year off for eye gouging Steve Skinnon in 1997, although that was reduced on appeal.

Later it in the game, replacement Wallaby halfback Nick Phipps’ tackle on Malakai Fekitoa left him with the All Black second five’s boot in his possession. The most rational thing he could think to do was to hurl said boot as far away as he could.

Phipps’ form wouldn’t look out of place on a grenade testing range; with a little coaching he could push for a spot in Australia's 2020 Olympic shotput team. By the looks of it someone in the crowd got themselves a pretty unique souvenir. It still isn’t clear exactly how long it took Fekitoa to rectify his bootlessness, or even if he did at all, given that he was subbed shortly after.

There are no rugby-related precedents to compare Phipps’ actions with, however the shoe toss has been seen in American politics and Hollywood on the odd occasion. Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush were both on the receiving end of an angry footwear assault, while Phipps may be have been inspired by this classic scene from Austin Powers.

Obviously the unpunished eye gouge is the more serious of the two; thankfully it doesn’t seem to have done Douglas any lasting harm. However, it has done a bit to the All Blacks’ reputation – both as a team that pushes the laws to the limit, and also as one that seems to get favourable treatment both on and off the field.

As for the Wallabies, the boot hurling episode will most likely be consigned to sports comedy reels rather than the judiciary. But it does give a pretty clear indication of just how desperate and frustrated a team that has lost all five tests so far this year is getting.