An unauthorized history of the Crusaders vs Hurricanes rivalry

To get ready for the weekend's big Super Rugby showdown, Jamie Wall takes a look back at some of the best (and worst) Crusaders vs Hurricanes moments over the years.

The most successful side in Super Rugby history, the seven-time champion Crusaders, meet the defending champion Hurricanes at AMI Stadium in Christchurch on Saturday night. The Hurricanes' first and only Super Rugby championship came last year after 21 long seasons of trying, but the record between the two sides isn't as one-sided as you might think. Overall it stands at 17-10 in favour of the red-and-blacks, with two matches having been drawn.

We’re not here to crunch the numbers, though – we're here to revisit some amusing anecdotes from years gone by:

Humble beginnings

Weird to think that the two current Super Rugby heavyweights were actually totally useless in the competition's first season. The Crusaders won their first ever encounter 36-13, but that was only one of two total W’s they picked up on their way to a last-place finish. The Canes weren’t much better, scraping together just one more win. One reason for the craptastic debut Crusader season was a season-ending injury to All Blacks first five Andrew Mehrtens, so the Crusaders had to rely on the likes of Graeme Dempster, Andy Miller and Greg Coffey at 10. Even having a Barrett on the books in those days couldn’t help the then-hapless Hurricanes, though.

Magic Mal

In 1999 Mehrts was back to his finger-pointing best, but found himself marking a true specimen of rugby’s bygone era against the Hurricanes. Mal Arnold, who looked like he’d just washed up off a surf beach but somehow didn’t get a tan, came off the bench to slam home a last-play sideline conversion to give the Hurricanes an unlikely 18-all draw at Lancaster Park. The cult hero would get a start later in the season against the Highlanders at Athletic Park. After his earlier heroics, it seemed an early conversion from under the posts would be a formality, but Arnold inexplicably shanked it into the upright. He soon disappeared back into rugby obscurity.

'We're not playing tiddlywinks mate!'

Possibly the most famous referee-skipper interaction in Super Rugby history was the one between Tana Umaga and Peter Marshall which included the famous ‘we’re not playing tiddlywinks’ line. Those immortal words were spoken after a seemingly innocuous hit by Umaga on the All Blacks’ first five. A few years later, in 2011, Andrew Hore found himself baffled by Chris Pollock’s similar ruling against Ma’a Nonu – but that one at least was a bit more clear-cut.

The fog final

Anyone see this game? Unless you were at ground level at Lancaster Park on the 27th May 2006, the answer will be a resounding no. Heavy sea fog rolled over Christchurch about half an hour before kickoff of the highly anticipated Super 14 final, meaning that visibility was zero for everyone except the players for pretty much the entire game. The Crusaders allegedly won, with Casey Laulala scoring the crucial try in a 19-12 scoreline.

The undercover operative

They’re bloody tricky, those Crusaders. But clever backline moves and scrum-based skullduggery are nothing compared to sending Mark Hammett north to run the Hurricanes into the ground as coach in 2011. Four horrible seasons followed as the ex-Crusader managed to jettison All Blacks Ma’a Nonu, Andrew Hore and Piri Weepu. Then he left and the Canes have made two consecutive finals. Coincidence?

Same old Crusaders...

Andy Ellis probably didn’t realise he was cheating here, as a kick into touch fielded by Conrad Smith initially is hurled back into play by the halfback. Of course, that shouldn’t be allowed. But considering it happened right in front of the ref and linesman and they were too dumb to spot it, fair play to the Crusaders for taking their chances.

The ambush at AMI

The most exciting part of Hurricanes’ improbable 2016 Super Rugby victory came in the last weekend of the regular season. Needing a bonus point win and a stack of other results to go their way, the Canes beat the Crusaders by a record margin and everything else fell into place. If any of Matt Todd’s family is reading, sorry, this was the game where Willis Halaholo basically tore the flanker’s heart out and ate it in front of him.